Bestial Kommand Nuklear Wrath

For your amusement (but mostly just my own): create your own KVLT blackened death-thrash band!  Just mix and match words from Column A (Adjectives of Armageddon) and Column B (Nekro Nouns), and voila! You're ready to plug your cassette-only release on the NWN! message boards.  Remember, it has to sound like it was made in 1985 (even if you weren't born until 1989).

COLUMN A	COLUMN B
Bestial	Kommand
Genocidal	Wrath
Atomik	War
Nuklear	Chaos (or Kaos, or Khaos)
Diabolikal	Desekrator
Apokalyptik	Holokaust
Unholy	Destruktion
Blackened	Abomination
Infernal	Terror
Blasphemous	Tormentor

Somewhere Hazardous Pussy Desecrator is laughing. That guy gets it.

What you believe is the vanity you conceive

I knew Entombed took the title Wolverine Blues from a James Ellroy short story; I had no idea that Ellroy himself lifted it from an old jazz standard by Jelly Roll Morton:



As much fun as this stomping little ditty is, it's still not as good as Big Bill Broonzy's "Immortal Rites" or Blind Lemon Jefferson's "Hammer Smashed Face."  Wocka wocka...

Earth's Doomiest Heroes

I just saw the documentary Such Hawks, Such Hounds after it was mentioned in a recent article on the AVClub; I described it on Facebook as "the Avengers of doom metal." In what may be my dorkiest moment ever, I've decided to run with that, partly because I'm still geeking out over how good the Avengers was, but mostly to prove there isn't a metaphor that I can't ride through the night until it collapses from exhaustion.

Hello?

My friend Vanessa makes me laugh.

Why, you ask?

Is this enough reason?

 

I've got time to kill. Maybe I can use all my cleverness and do one of these with the greatest black metal band pic of all time.

Beauty Meets Beast

Today in "once you see it you'll never unsee it"...the last issue of Terrorizer I purchased had David "Do the Hustle" Vincent on the cover, and I kept thinking that his new look reminded me of something. The extended jaw...the dyed hair...the eyeliner...the spray-tan...the leather fetish. A few of my friends like to compare it to Nikki Sixx, but I was seeing something else. And then it hit me:

Good to know that when the Lord of All Fevers and Plagues gets tired of his death metal comeback, there's always a place for him as a WWE diva. Let's just pray that there's no sex tape.

Chuffed and Weekend

Deep thoughts while waiting for my tea to cool...

Bands named after days of the week: Happy Mondays, The Mondays, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, The Saturdays, The Sundays and Taking Back Sunday.

Bands named after months: April Ethereal, Mayhem*, Death in June**, Texas in July, August Burns Red, Black September, October Tide, November's Doom, December.

Ergo, months are more metal than days. Especially if you add "death," "doom" or "black" to them [though, I guess that's the case with most things].

*Okay, you caught me. I couldn't think of any bands named after May. Sorry. Though I do wonder why there aren't any metal bands named after the coldest months. January's Doom? Black February? March Madness?

**Not metal, but way darker than a couple of folkies ought to be, and a huge influence on bands like Agalloch, Neurosis, Swans, etc.

I shall call him...Mini Me.

This video of a toddler dancing to Pantera is probably the greatest thing to ever get posted on FB. He headbangs! He windmills! He starts his own circle pit! He's basically me at 4 pm.



Hopefully by the time he's potty trained, he'll have moved on to something more KVLT like Origin.

I want my own little hesher baby immediately. Especially knowing that I can get a Beneath the Remains onesy from Amazon. How soon can I adopt?

Entombed knows a good Party when they see one

Why do I love Entombed so? Is it because when I was 15 their Clandestine album reached up from the underground to drag me into the world of death and grind, and I've never looked back? Is it because the classic gnarly guitar sound that they created in the late 80's is still the standard that all other extreme metal bands aspire to? Is it because their influence is so widespread that even genre peers like Dan Swanö, Mikael Åkerfeldt, and Esa Holopainen felt the need to create tribute bands to their early work? Is it because, as of 2011, there are still young bands like Black Breath, All Pigs Must Die, and We Are The Damned who reverently follow the template that Entombed created two decades ago with Left Hand Path?

Yes, yes, yes, and yes. But mostly I love Entombed because they are the only Swedish death metal band who can get away with quoting Peter Sellers' cult comedy The Party on their Facebook page:

It's right there on the page: You like this.

Weekdays with Digby 2

Dig's Facebook page is the gift that keeps on giving. He posted a December Wolves song with this pouting tag:

Earache did 2 albums by these in 1998. Nobody cared much. Brian (guitar) later formed Trap Them. 

For the record, I did buy the first December Wolves album...used, for about $5, but still. They were an odd band, but definitely worth checking out. I think they were hurt by the stigma against USBM at the time (most of the black metal bands coming out Stateside in the 90's were either musically inept or spouting some kind of Nazi ideology). On the plus side, they were signed to Wicked World, the Earache subsidiary that also had Berzerker and Decapitated, which seemed to signify Dig's recommitment to extreme metal (and the end of his torrid 90's love affair with terrible, terrible house music). Anyways, good to know that those guys are still around as Trap Them, and that Trap Them actually have some solid metal cred.

Weekdays with Digby

So one of the wonders of Facebook is I get to be "friends" with legendary music figures, like Earache founder Digby Pearson. Apparently, the man who started the very first death and grindcore label has nothing better to do than paste Youtube links all day. This explains how second tier deathcore bands like Oceano got signed. Maybe Earache really was better when Dig answered the phones.

He's playing so sweet, I'm getting chubby

The trick to being a great bass player: if it's hard to play, make it look easy. If it's easy, make it look hard.

Fun fact: Cliff Burton always made it look easy.