Bury Your Dead

This originally appeared in the second issue of Repulsive Regurgitation zine. I'm including it here for posterity...please don't steal this and the pics that go with it by putting it in your own shitty little thing without my permission. [I'm talking to you, Malaysia.]

Every movie monster is analogous to a larger problem. Vampires represent fears of sexuality, or drugs, or AIDS, or alienation. Frankenstein was an allegory for science run amok. Werewolves are twisted representations of adolescence, both male and female. Dawn of the Dead was about mindless consumerism; The Walking Dead is about fans of The Walking Dead. [Seriously, I have no idea why that show is so popular.]

Scooping the bottom of the barrel: Optimalinjia Fest

"Scraping the bottom of the barrel" is a questionable metaphor. "Scooping" is more apt; you don't have to reach too deep or look too long to find mediocre grind, metal or hardcore bands. They throw their lack of talent and ambition at you cheerfully, shamelessly. Most bands who form, record, and play shows probably shouldn't have bothered.

Defender of the Faith

have your non-metal friends told you about Babymetal? don't worry, they will.

A good friend of mine sent me this article about Japanese act "Babymetal" (ugh). My friend is neither particularly interested in nor knowledgeable about this music, but every so often he runs across something that he thinks relates to metal and can't wait to share it with me. He's invariably disappointed in my reaction (or, as he puts it, disappointed in me).